now i know why i became what i already was.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We left the knife in your bed.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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