I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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