I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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