Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
