it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize