Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
