it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize