First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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