3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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