a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
