i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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