Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
