Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
