eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
