We won't sleep together?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
