I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
