I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
