My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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