just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
