My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
