she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
