he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
