yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
