well most of my day revolves around power hour
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
