Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
