well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
