I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
