I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
