but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
