after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
