Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
