her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my shit smells like andre
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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