My liver just broke up with me...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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