Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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