Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
