ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think your dad took our porno
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
