so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
