Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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