im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
