my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Houston, we have a blender
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When are your genitals available?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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