eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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