I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
