I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
