They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
