I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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