I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
