We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
