just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How does it feel to date your dad?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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