K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize