i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
