I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sponge bath it is.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize