i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
