the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
