Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Randomize
