Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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