Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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