I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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