none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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