ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just gift wrapped bread.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
