just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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