omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
