we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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