I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
