that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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