I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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