please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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