went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
