guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this just has baby written all over it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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