There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
