We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
