I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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