You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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